The modern day mantra of productivity and output beckons. So I force myself to do something and yet nothing.
I take one step forward. I tackle a the greying mountain of whites and loaded them into the washer, a scoop of soap and a glug of bleach. I take my earphones, plug it into the earhole and fill it with the drone of podcasts and audiobooks as I scrub away the scarlet kimchi juice and gochujaru residue swimming against the platito’s royal blue and white surface. I walk seven miles, the narrative continues to float in between my ears as my eyes stumble upon a scissor tailed flycatcher. Its long black and white tail opened as it took flight. Its body formed letter X against the morning sky then as it alights back onto the branch, the same tail closed like its namesake. And still nothing. Or is it?
My memories run a mile backward to this same time last year. I’ve felt this way before - the restless uncertainty and unknown of the future. As the picture of the present remains a blur, a thick haze that blocks the view of a possible future, I question the integrity and validity of my desires. I still wrestle with its certainty, slippery as an eel escaping its captors.
I face the blank page today, typing all these words to just begin as I lean into the spark of the Ace of Wands, the first card in the Minor Arcana suit of wands. Out of a dark grey cloud, against the equally grey horizon, a hand reaches out to grip the single giant wand that is lined with leaves, more lush than the succeeding cards. The hand radiates a light against the bleakness.
When one pulls this card in a reading, it is a signal to begin. A fire is lit. The green light to take action on an idea, a passion project.
Last year, I bought a set of colored pencils. They said adult coloring was fun. In a headspace where I’d give anything a try, I went for it. But instead of simply coloring, I found myself sketching again. I wanted to draw the birds that serenaded us throughout the day. I wanted to capture these creatures, at least on paper, free as they flew wherever they needed and wanted to be.
My first attempt was crude. “Sir John would not be proud.” I muttered, remembering my high school art teacher. But why won’t he? I gathered picture books of birds from the public library and sketched some more until it didn’t turn out so bad.
Proud of what I started, I presented my husband my obra maestra. He pfffed, exclaiming I traced it. I protested that I indeed drew every inch of the bird. He pressed his lips together in wonder “I didn’t know you could draw.” But I did. Indeed I did.
Astrologically, it is now a season of endings and beginnings. A cluster of planets or grahas - the Sun, Mercury, Jupiter and shadow planet, Rahu, moved into Aries. The first sign of the sidereal zodiac, Aries, is about beginnings, the fire that lights one’s behind to start. The Sun, Jupiter and Rahu in the nakshatra of Ashwini. It is the first of the 27 nakshatras or lunar mansions. It’s symbol is the head of the horse because Ashwini Kumaras are twins born with human bodies and horse’s heads. They have the power to do things quickly and also have the power to heal.
With these placements, what in your life are you beginning that feels life giving, expansive and disruptive? What are you starting now?
What I’m reading:
I am about to finish “Saving Time: Discovering a Life Beyond the Clock” by Jenny Odell. And in the wings is the audio book of “Fleishman Is In Trouble” by Taffy Brodesser-Akner.
After three weeks of Saturn setbacks and delays, my copies of “Path of Light” by James Kelleher arrived. So I am starting to read this as well to further my Vedic astrology education.
What I’m watching:
We got a free two months of Apple TV+, so we are bingeing all the TV shows we’ve started on flights yet never got to finish. I am in the middle of the new season of Ted Lasso, Severance and Pachinko, based on the best selling novel that I devoured years ago. I definitely need to sandwich those two emotionally heavy hitters with a heart warming one.
If you’d like to read more about tarot cards and their meanings, head on over to what I’ve written below:
Major Arcana
Minor Arcana