The invincibility of youth underscores the necessity of rest. Or the glory of the idea of youth’s seemingly boundless wells of energy. It was simply an idea. Because in my 20s, I was flat out exhausted, trying to catch up to my peers, who just never seemed to tire, who could survive on a few hours of sleep.
After a full day of work, there were days that media vendors would hold grand parties to launch and introduce their new offerings - TV programs, radio shows, or a new channel or even network. It meant free food and booze, rubbing elbows with celebrities, a chance to win a vacation or a car or cold cash and, of course, network with peers, colleagues and clients. It was a party, but still work. My body was present at the events, but my mind, heart and soul just wanted to crash in bed and sleep. There was more work that waited and sat on my desk that I needed energy for.
There were days when I mixed packets of energy drink powder with a bottle of water, chugged it down to help me through the night, score through rows and rows of data, until the sun rose in the horizon. That went on for weeks on end. Until one day, my body revolted, regurgitating everything inside. I crashed atop the conference room table and slept. The following day I slept for a glorious 12-hours and maybe even more.
I never touched energy drinks after that experience. Never again.
This made me think of the tarot’s rest card - the Four of Swords. In the Minor Arcana, the suit of swords represent intellect, reason, sorrow, misfortune and the element of air. The double edged blade, both useful and cause of pain, to be wielded with care. In it is a man laying down, eyes closed and hands together in prayer. Three swords are hung on the wall, while another is right beside the man’s bedside. A stained glass window with a haloed person seated, and another person on its knees, looking up to the halo that bore the Latin word “Pax” or peace.
The sleeping man looks dead. But is he? The man and his resting place is colored in yellow, instead of gray or black as in a tomb. The color yellow reminds me of jaundice, when one’s skin turns yellow from abnormalities in internal organs. So seems that he hasn’t passed on, losing his earthly life. But he is unwell with a level of malady that moved him to put his hands together in prayer.
Unlike the other cards in the suit, that carry an active portrait of life, the Four of Swords is a counterpoint. It is almost midway through, a literal break from all the action and its corresponding pain. Preceding it is the heartbreak card. And don’t we all need a break when we’ve had our hearts trampled on? But do we really to suffer that much to realize that we do need rest?
I still carry that restless, youthful energy in me. One that refuses to sit down, sit still and do absolutely nothing. On most days, I’m do, do and do more! That capitalist hamster wheel chase for money to support one’s survival and wanton desires. But I am not so young anymore. The need for rest amplified tenfold with age.
Why aren’t we taught to rest, to nap, to sleep at least 8-hours a night in the same way we need to drink 8-cups of water a day? Or we were but somehow it was buried in the productivity narrative?
Like the yellowed man in the Four of Swords, it took me sickness - repeated episodes of it - to force myself to reevaluate my relationship with rest. The solution seemed too simple to be THE solution. But there are times, when the answers seems to be complex as how we think a problem is.
Nowadays, I move with the intention to rest. I’ve been burned too many times from illnesses, unexplained, but knowing that it all boils down to stress. It is now as important a routine as brushing my teeth to avoid rot and holes and an insane dental bill. I put away my phone from me, get into bed an hour before to decompress and target to get at least 8-hours of sleep a night. I recognize the fact that as a human being, I was made to require rest. It is not a flaw in our design, but part of it.
Proper sleep is the more potent, rejuvenating energy drink I welcome in my world. What is it to you?
What I am reading:
I am in the middle of “Darling Girl” by Liz Michalski, a Peter Pan universe novel about the granddaughter of Wendy Darling, Holly, and her relationship with Pan. Yup, that kind of relationship.
I am also in and out of “Tarot for Change: Using the Cards for Self-Care, Acceptance and Growth” by Jessica Dore
What I’m watching:
I just finished the “Rings of Power” season finale and I suppose I need to be more patient for the next seasons.
And I am in the middle of the last season of “Derry Girls” as a teen in the 90s, the soundtrack of this series is *chef’s kiss*