I’m embarrassed to say I’m a romantic.
I used to be that girl who hung onto every romcom that was shown on the silver screen. It didn’t matter what language the film was in, as long as it involved two people falling in love. I fed myself a steady diet of Sweet Dreams novels, when butterflies in my stomach would flutter as the heroine bumped into the boy of her fantasies - when his hand brushed hers or when his arm found itself on her shoulders. More so when they hugged or kissed! In my head, I imagined that one day, I’d meet the love of my life too. Day in and day out with my girl friends, we talked about our romantic lives or the absence of it. I even wrote about it in my diary (which, in present day adult parlance is a actually a journal.)
I was lucky enough to have met my match. An unexpected whirlwind summer romance (when we weren’t looking for love, but we found it) that led to a nine year courtship before we decided to tie the knot. Today, we are over a decade married and counting.
Married life is not as romantic as I imagined. The humdrum routine of life practically doused the flames of passionate, all-consuming romance with another human being, built up by all those movies, novels and stories, when often one forgets about and transcends one’s own self.
This made me think about the tarot card, perhaps most love by romantics or those seeking romantic love in their lives - The Lovers.
A man and a woman with an angel- red wings and licks of flame topped its head, on a cloud with the sun behind it, hovering over them. A mountain peak, stands proud, pointing upward into the heavens, in between the man and the woman. Their feet stand on green pasture, on what is the Garden of Eden. Behind the man, gazing at the woman, is a burning tree. Behind the woman, gazing at the angel above, is the fruit bearing Tree of Knowledge, where a serpent is coiled around it’s slim trunk, whispering into the woman’s ear.
The knee jerk of the romantic in me is to think that this is the happily-ever-after card. When this card appears in a reading, it is indicative of a marriage, not always a literal fairytale one when it begins with the bride in her white gown walking down the aisle and the groom waiting at the altar. It is a romantic possibility, yes, but I like to look at it at a partnership blessed by heaven as I’ve grown to learn that great love is found not only in romance.
Despite of four decades of everyday life’s grind, I realized that the romantic in me is still strong.
I am still drawn to romcoms of the past and opening my watch lists to the more contemporary romcoms. Though I often cringe at scenes and situations, groaning and screaming at the heroine “Wake up! Red flag alert!” I exhale with relief when characters are redeemed by their choices. My Spotify playlists are full of songs that made me remember what butterflies in the stomach, teenaged puppy love was. At my age, it is nice to relive.
Now that I’ve met the love of my life, I still chat with my girlfriends about it and write down insights on my journal. Our days are about riding the flow of daily life, but there are moments, when the tiny oft overlooked gestures such as holding hands while driving or a snuggle in bed as we close the day, still make my heart flutter.
Of course, my husband is not the be all and end all of life itself.
This is one of the most challenging things I had to relearn after a decade of clinging to each other in our diasporic journey. It was us-against-the-world without the support systems we were born into and have been for the greater part of our lives. The natural independence of first borns amplified by the “pull ourselves up by the bootstraps” American mentality. But, we aren’t the only two people needed to survive and thrive.
The world is made up of billions of people, who each play a role in this bigger story of life.
Nowdays, I work hard and practice to look outward to my family and friends, whose relationships also deserve the nurturing that one gives to my life partner. Their simple gestures, that would not even involve any material value, which I often would be too ashamed or proud to ask support with, give me the same electricity, shivers down my spine and waves of warmth of knowing and understanding what it truly means to be loved. These acts build up to cement a true partnership, one with roots, helping to build each other up to our highest potential.
Is not this one of the many reasons why life can be truly beautiful, a small patch of heaven on earth?
Whew! I am so glad I made it before the love month ends, so thank you for your patience.
I officially opened my books to readings, so should you be interested, click here to answer some questions and confirm your need for one.
What I am reading:
I have a jumbled pile of books I am cycling through at the moment, including:
Maria Ressa’s “How To Stand Up To A Dictator”
Fabien Toulmé’s “Hakim’s Odyssey”, a three-part (Part 1, 2 and 3) graphic novel about the journey of Hakim, a Syrian refugee in France
Kristen Radtke’s “Seek You” A Journey Through American Loneliness”
Hamja Ansan’s “Shy Radicals: The Antisystemic Politics Of The Militant Introvert”
William R. Levacy’s “Beneath A Vedic Sky: A Beginner’s Guide To The Astrology Of Ancient India”
I know it isn’t ideal, but I find myself needing to dust off disturbing energies and realizations with more lighthearted things. At the same time, I am going down the rabbit hole of my Jyotish astrology obsession. Yes, this is my current one.
What I am watching:
I honestly am putting my foot on the brakes on watching TV, to get more quiet time with my thoughts and books. But on cycle right now are:
Carnival Row, Season 2
I actually just finished a couple of series including:
Netflix’s “Wednesday” the expansion of the story of Wednesday Addams from the Addams Family universe. I finished it, still digesting it before I give any feedback. But I did love the fact that the original Wednesday, Christina Ricci, was part of the cast.
Prime Video’s “Clarkson’s Farm”, Season 2. Jeremy Clarkson of Top Gear fame can be an old British git, but the series is an illuminating look into the life of a farmer Albeit, of course, he isn’t your regular old farmer. He still gives you a glimpse into the struggles of both getting food on our tables and theirs.
If you’d like to read more about tarot cards and their meanings, head on over to what I’ve written below:
Major Arcana
Minor Arcana